Primark and Teething

Monday
I started today but having a great one.  I'm joking - it was a fucking nightmare from the minute i woke up.  Woke up to baby screaming hysterically - that high blood curdling scream.  Husband was trying to calm her but she wouldnt calm down.  Tried to give her calpol but she's decided lately that its poison and so purses her lips closed.  You have to literally ram it down her neck.  Mother saved the day and
Feetook her into her room.
Got up, packed my face on and managed to get her out of the door to walk to a local baby cafe with my friend.  Baby was screaming whole way, had to take her out and carry her while trying to drag the buggy behind me.  Arrived sweating like a bitch, baby screaming.  They asked me to sign in - didnt even remember my name.  What a spastic.
Was nice to chat to other mums about their babies not sleeping and showing off how mine could sit up.
Took her to Primark as was such a lovely day (so decided to spend it indoors).  She slept like an angel and i dreamt that this could be my life.  Was having so much fun but as usual i did too much - went to visit an auntie in the afternoon then another friend popped in un-announced around 4.30pm.  That's when things started to go wrong again.  She was suddenly teething like mad, had wind and was over-tired.  I was desperately trying to sort her out and rock her to sleep but with anyone around she never goes to sleep.  Tried to be polite while giving massive hints about what a nightmare baby she is and how tired i am.
Husband got home and managed to rock her off to sleep - the magicst touch - making me feel like an inadequate mother but just pleased she was away from me.  She then work HYSTERICAL again.  Gave her teething gel - nothing.  Then tried teething granules but was so terrified i ended up throwing most of it in her eye.  Que me having a SHUT DOWN.
Screamed MUM!!!!  She came down - i basically threw baby at her, hands shaking and shut down.  This baby is mental.  Mum had her while husband got us a Macdonalds.
Husband is currently sat in the dark with her in the bedroom begging her to sleep...

Tuesday
Got dragged out by mum and brother.  Went to a hippy shop and bought a few crystals for myself - ones i was drawn to and help with confidence and mental health.  Also bought baby an amber necklace to help with her teething.  Left feeling positive.

Wednesday
She slept really well last night.  Went down at 10pm and only woke at 1.30am for food and then got up at 07.45.  Maybe the magic crystals worked.  Feeding her and giving her calpol is getting harder and harder and i feel like she's trying to break my spirit sometimes.  Mum was out this morning and i had to get the house looking sort of respectable as a new friend from water babies was coming round.  The hand held hoover ran out of batteries - felt like everything was against me.  Was a rush when Mum arrived back at 12.30 and by then i was near my wits end.  Her amber necklace that we had bought yesterday broke but i tried desperately to keep it together.  Friend arrived and thankfully she is a really nice laid back girl so felt relaxed.  But today i felt kind of detached from everyone.  Like i was acting.  Mum popped out while the friend left and i then had to try and wrestle her with the calpol and feed her.  She took some before throwing a massive hissy fit.  By the time Mum came back i was shutting down again.  All i can think is how on the edge i am and how i cant cope with looking after this baby.  Mum suggested maybe going back to work earlier.  I'm not sure.  I cant wait to go back but at the same time i'm worried that if i do and she is still a nightmare every night i will break down even further.  Mum's told me to find out how much a childminder would be even while i'm on maternity leave.  Just dont know what to do.

FEEL LIKE I'M SPIRALLING BACK.  Mum is going back to work on Monday and i just dont know how i am going to cope without her.